Boyergate Flash! David Boyer Steals from Christians

While delivering a paper explaining that comparing David Boyer, the Vincennes, Indiana plagiarist to a banana slug was not fair to this fine speciman of the genus Ariolimax,  I was making the point that just because both leave behind a slimy, sticky trail it is still not scientifically justifiable to slander the slug.  After all, I pointed out, banana slug mucous has an organic content and is therefore theoreticall compostable whereas David Boyer's plagiaries have only shamed the entire town of Vincennes, Indiana and turned its reputation to metaphorical dung.  The value of the real over the metaphorical should be intuitively obvious to even the least discerning student.

Those students attending my lecture were either mesmerized by my didactic ability, or, as I now suspect, asleep, when I realized one student near the front row was actually alert.  He raised his hand to ask a question.   I leaned forward on the lectern and acknowledged his presence.

"Yes, Mr....."

"Pope," he said.

"What is your question?"

"Is it true that while masquerading as a born again Christian, David Boyer the plagiarist was actually stealing from at least one Christian author?"

I thought about this before answering.  Where did this young man get his information?

"My doctoral dissertation was, as you know, on the topic of David Boyer and the fecal groundwater contamination in the city's water supply that could be the root cause of his plagiary... but no."

"Well, professor, it's all over the internet now that he plagiarized a story from Ellen C. Maze the Christian author."

"The bestsellling author?" I asked.  I was absolutely flabberghasted.

"Yes, and he was posting her story on Storymania under one of his crappy fake names because he can't spell pseudonym."

"Crappy is not a proper name for this type of action, young man.  We are scientists and must strive for precision and methodological purity in our attributions."

"Well, how would you describe it Professor?"  he asked.

After a moment's thought, I pointed my finger at him and said, "It's just bullshit."

The rest of my class woke up.

Sometimes it helps to call things what they are.

Will David Boyer, the Vincennes, Indiana Plagiarist Help Fight Planet Tilt?

An anonymous souce inside the Global Climate Change Conference held last week inside Moscow Elementary School has told this reporter  new scientific evidence was unveiled which explains Catastrophic Climate Change and places the blame squarely on David Boyer, the Vincennes, Indiana Plagiarist.

Professor Fyodor Borovsky later confirmed this to myself and five scruffy streetside vendors in exchange for a signed photo of Elvis.

"It is bolshoi fact Citizen Boyer is totally respnsible," he explained.  "He has piled copies of his plagiarized stories on the edge of town and disguised them as a volcano.  This is too much weight- the accumulated mass of his plagiaries has tilted the axis of the earth."

"Is that possible?" I asked.

"But of course!" he said.  "Have you seen how many people he plagiarized?"

"Hmmm," I said.

It was a cold day in Moscow and I didn't want to be there, but stories like this are worth following to the ends of the earth.

"Yes, now you see, don't you?" he cackled.   

"No, but what can be done?"

He eyed me suspiciously, then leaned over and whispered, "We must work together to fight planet tilt.  Russia and China will do their part.  We can plagiarize millions, maybe billions of stories.  In ten or twenty years, maybe if all the Chinese work every hour of every day, we can plagiarize enough stories on this side of the ocean to tilt the planet back."

"Will it be in time to avert catastrophe?" I asked.

"I don't know," he said.  "What do you want?  I am no Rasputin."

"What can we in America do to help?"

"Good, good- you are excellent world citizen.  Speak to this Boyer.  Plead with him.  Ask him to begin walking his manuscripts east across your fine country to help tilt the planet our way.  It will take him 30 maybe 40,000 trips, but if he starts now, it may not be too late.  Appeal to his conscience to help save the planet."

"Your plan has a flaw," I said.

"It is Russian plan. It is bolshoi good, fuck you very much.  What could be wrong?"

"For starters," I pointed out, "he doesn't have a conscience."

Boyer Makes a Stinky

A Book in the Pants is Worth... Not Much

If It's Written by David Boyer

The Everyready Plagiarist is writing a book. 

It makes perfect sense.  I'm writing a book about him.  He's terrified about the material it will reveal.  So what's a plagiarist like David Boyer to do?  Well, since he doesn't have original ideas, he steals from me.  He decides to write a book about himself, too.  Damn.  But the Vincennes, IN Plagiarist doesn't like the truth, because it makes him look bad.  So in his version, he's a victim of hideous cyber-stalkers. 

How can this be?  In his personal fairy tale, he's an honest man, villified by others, stalked by them on the Internet and even threatened by them.  There's a mob after him, you see.  He believes this religiously.  Sure he was a mass plagiarist, an online predator editor who victimized so many writers I've lost count of the total.  Why would anyone be angry with him?

Then again, David Boyer- known to many as "Can't Hitchhike Dave"- believes in his prevaricating soul that he's not a plagiarist, and if he believes that, he can believe anything.

Iron Dave's First Confession



Like Most Con Men

He Wanted An Out

David Boyer has been publishing all over the web that he's not a plagiarist.  That it's all lies.  So I thought some of you would like to see what he sent me to publish back in October.

And you probably wonder why  the infamous Vincennes, Indiana mass plagiarist complains that he already confessed to me and apologized and I still won't let up.  Let's clear that up right now.  It's because he apologized under an alias!!!

Here's his first confession, delivered after the deadline I imposed, delivered without the complete list of his aliases I demanded and without him defining his theft as plagiarism.  He preferred the word "used."  See what you think.  More to come. 

“I, David Byron, Iron Dave, Doc Byron, admit I used Rick Moore's story, Electrocuting the Clowns, as my own, for monetary gain. I did so out of desperation due to extreme financial distress at the time of the act. Since then, I have been saved - became a Christian - and intend to move forward with my life in a much better manner, abiding by all the rules of the literary and publishing business, and will not commit this type of act again. I know it was wrong, and I sincerely apologize to Mr. Moore for doing this to him. I hope that all concerned will forgive me in time as well. 

David Byron / 10/5/2010”

Is he a dufus or what?  David Boyer tries to confess under an ALIAS.  So, he didn't meet the deadline I imposed, he didn't give a complete list of his aliases (he published my story with his various aliases on it all over the web) and he couldn't man up enough to give the apology in his own name. 

Ouch.  That's why people quit calling him Iron Dave and started calling him Tin Foil Dave.

Oh yes, and David Boyer plagiarized me AFTER he publicly delcared himself a Christian.  And did the same to many others after his declared "conversion."

The April Fool and Two New "Pin the Tail on the Plagiarist" Contests

Come On.
  Guess the Fool.

Yes, it's true.  David Boyer actually worried what the Gort revelation was.  April Fool's, David!
  
He must have have come here a 100 times on April First to see if I'd found the source behind the rumor that he plagiarized Stephen King.  Paranoia is a terrible thing.  No alien policeman in his right mind would ever cross the galaxy to speak with Boyer.  To abduct Britney Spears and Charlie Sheen- absolutely!  But to talk to a plagiarist like David Boyer of Vincennes, Indiana?  Nah.

So what have I been up to?  I've been working on my book about David Boyer the mass plagiarst.  One of the people in his home town confided in me the surprising reason David is known by some as "Can't Hitchhike Dave." Also in my research I've uncovered what a former teacher thinks brought about Dave's self-defeating behavior and why it should embarass the whole town.

More to come as I keep stringing the facts together.  I have what to call the book already, and I'll announce it right after I pay the winner of the "Name the Book About Dave" contest. 
And since the title contest was so successful, I'm following it with two more contests!!.  I'm offering two research contest awards for $250.00 each.  Both are good until December 31st, 2011.  To begin with, I'll pay $250 to the first person to uncover and prove to me the real identity of the notorious plagiarist "Richard Ridyard."   No one has ever cracked his identity, and he (or she) is a real sleaze.  That answer will get you major cudos in the publishing industry, too.

Next, I've heard it rumored that David Boyer,, under one of his many aliases, plagiarized Clive Barker.  So I'll also pay $250 to anyone that can provide the proof of same to my satisfaction since I'd like to include the results in the book about Boyer.

Said proof must be obtained legally and with no cyberstalking and such because I want to make sure they're clean catches.  So each of you are responsible for your own research actions. As independent researchers, you are personally responsible for obeying all state and federal laws.  Please don't be deluging people with letters and emails.  Instead, look for what's posted on line.  The answers are there.  He's an internet person who can't stop trying to work his scams in the electronic world.  Within the last three months he was self-publishing a plagiarized Dean Koontz story and selling it over the internet.  He can't help himself. 

And remember, there are a lot of people looking for this proof.  You've watched all those TV detective shows.  You know how to do it!

Don't write Boyer or harass him.  His own guilt gives him enough headaches.  He's been reduced (don't laugh) to writing screenplays about getting his revenge against people who have exposed him as a plagiarist.  Very manly.

Yes I'm offering real research money.  So web detectives, go to it!  I'm itching to pay out the cash.

And David Boyer, you're welcome to participate!

Alien Police Close in on Boyer

At precisely eight o'clock this morning, David Boyer, the notorious Vincennes, Indiana plagiarist poured himself a cup of fresh coffee, put his tin foil hat on his head and turned the TV on as he sat down to compose a trial list of imaginary ailments to excuse his crimes.  He was in the middle of descibing his baffling allergy to Doritos as a medically documented cause of wanton plagiary, when a TV news flash caught his attention.

The astounding announcement that Gort, the most famous alien policeman of all time, was coming to Vincennes, Indiana to deliver to him an ultimatum so terrified the prevaricating plagiarist that he literally crawled across his kitchen table to get a closer look at the picture.  Fear squeezed Boyer's heart and slowed his pulse to near Yogi levels.

Dean Koontz, he thought.  Somebody must have told him that I ripped off Dean Koontz.  They love Dean Koontz.  Gort will lock me up in an asteroid until I turn into a mummy.

With his still nicotine stained fingers, Boyer turned up the volume.

"So," the announcer was asking the giant alien policeman, "is it true that you're walking to deliver a message to David Boyer on the first of April?"

"Gort, Klatu, Barada, Nikto, Boyer," said Gort.

"Is that all you know how to say?" asked the announcer.

The TV screen flashed bright red like a ruby on fire, and when the eerie radiance faded the announcer had disappeared and the visor that looked like Gort's alien eyebrows pulsed with a palpable anger as though it were ready to shoot out another terrible disintegration ray.

"Gort, Klatu, Barada, Nikto, Boyer," Gort said again.

Somebody must have told him I ripped off Clive Barker, too, thought Boyer.

Alien Policeman Arrives with Message for Plagiaist David Boyer!

Gort, Klatu, Barada Boyer

YouTube viewers were held spellbound by the sight of history's most famous blind police alien- known affectionately as "Gort"- walking across Lake Michigan toward Vincennes, Indiana to deliver the notorious plagiarist David Boyer a message from the InterGalactic Council of Federated Planets.

Lady Gaga was heard to say, "Love that hat."

In fact, according to Dr. T. Foil, of the University of Vincennes, the hat serves a utilitarian function acting as a collecting transceiver to absorb the bright yellow rays emitted from his "tie" (perhaps a cleverly disguised alien device that our poor human minds only interpret as a tie) so that Gort's alien brain can interpret the signals and provide him with the coordinates of his position so he doesn't get lost.

"I don't go with that metaphor thing," said Dr. Foil.  "Sure the great plagiarist is also known as 'Tin Foil Dave,' so it could be interpreted by people with a literature degree that its really symbolic of homage to Mr. Boyer, but that thing on Gort's head looks more as though it was either constructed from the residual matter scatter of an exploding supernova or shiny matter from a  supercollider."

He paused, shoved a Q-Tip in his ear, and added, "Did you ever notice how often we scientists use the word super?"

A large crowd of reporters gathered on the shoreline to await Gort's arrival.  The brisk wind of earlier morning had died down, but nervous tension filled the air.  Imagine, we would be the first humans to pose questions to the great Gort.

"How do you suppose he does it?"  a perky cub reporter asked me.

"Hovercraft shoes," I said.  "Only way to walk on water. Got to use good batteries though."

"Not that," she laughed.  "I mean how can he find his way across the galaxy when he's blind?"
 
It was a good point, of course.  I'd worn blind-guy glasses in a bar once to pick up co-eds, but after the first hour of dark shades and tapping a cane to find my way around, I started believing I was blind, so I had to quit and pretend I was rich instead.

"I got a better question," I said.

That got her attention. She pulled a red curl back behind her ear and asked me what it was.

"Ever wonder what he's going to tell the plagiarist?   Word is he's got a warning for Boyer."

"Do you know something that I don't?"

I knew I had her.  She wasn't going to let me alone until told her what I knew.

The crowd was starting to get noisy.  Gort was only twenty feet away from the shoreline, walking on water like he was born to, his dark sunglasses aiming straight at us.

The entire City Council of Vincennes, IN had driven up to be here to witness the last leg of the alien top cop's pilgrimage.  They were carrying signs that read, "We don't know anyone named Boyer."

The redhead poked me in the ribs.  "So what's Gort going to tell him?"

"Ask me in four weeks," I said.

"Why four weeks?"

"I'll tell you on April first."

And I'll tell the rest of you on April 1st, too.