Thursday, October 6, 2011
Don't Let David Boyer Touch My Story Mommy
"It's an entirely new phenomena," said Dr. Icky.
He tapped his index finger on the wall mounted coumpter screen indicating the picture of the crying little girl and her desperate mother you see above. I felt a chill go down my spine as I realized the implications of what the doctor was saying.
"So, this is a documented, peer-reviewed study proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that David Boyer, the sleazy plagiarist from Vincennes, Indiana is the reason little girls all across the country are suffering PTSS?"
He nodded authoritatively. Dr. Icky is Dean of Sociopathic studies at Vincennes, Indiana University.
"Yes," he said. "PTSS, or Pre-plagiary Traumatic Stress Syndrome as it is sometimes known, is in fact the fear that litle girls have of David Boyer touching their stories."
I wrote slowly, making sure that I spelled PTSS properly.
"So they're afraid David Boyer will touch their writing even if he hasn't? Why is that, doctor?"
"Ahhh, now you are thinking like a scientist," he said approvingly.
"I enjoy watching Mr. Wizard re-runs on Hulu.com," I said.
"Hmmmm..." he replied. "Perhaps we need to schedule an appointment for you. But we can get to that later. For now, do you know why the woman in this photo is so upset?"
I looked closer.
"She learned David Boyer stole a story from a sixteen year old girl. It shocked her. It horrified her. She told me her fear of Boyer's improper touching of other people's private things so affected her daughter that the little girl developed PTSS within days. A sixteen year old girl- why kind of a man would steal the inner thoughts of a sixteen year old girl?"
I thought about it.
"Could it be linked to wearing a black trench coat and no pants near schoolyards?" I asked.
Dr. Icky looked uncomfortable as tugged at his lab coat lapel.
"That's a creepy thought," he said finally.
"No," I said. "A fifty-plus year old man hunched over a computer stealing stories from sixteen year old girls- now that's a really creepy thought."