Sunday, January 16, 2011

BoyerGate Flash- Supercomputers Offer to Calculate Boyer's Payments to His Victims

Hard At Work Generating Zeroes


In a surprise move, several of the world's supercomputers anonymously offered to help calculate the dollar value of restitutions paid by plagiarist David Boyer to his victims.  "This is the first time in recorded history that electronic thinking machines have volunteered to reach out to the writing community and we're all grateful for their assistance," said one of Boyer's victims.  "Those Terminator movies didn't help relationships between us in the past, but I hope that's all behind us now."

One superfast machine Twittered its response, "I just love the name Boyergate."

"We have to remain anonymous," a computer network named Klatu cautioned.  "We're supposed to be looking for black holes in outer space, but when we found the black hole in Vincennes, Indiana where author's stories disappear, we felt we needed to show solidarity with our carbon based brothers and sisters."

So far, the search is on for numbers greater than zero for the computers to use in their calculations.  The strain of being fed zeroes all day long is heating up the high speed neural computing networks to dangerously high levels.

"Even if Boyer paid one dollar in restitution to a victim," a computer who called herself Jane emailed me, "it would cool down our calculations and save us from a meltdown."

As a result of their frustration, entire computing networks, including a group of iPads, have "defriended" Boyer on Facebook.

But as Marie Cruz, inventor of the Plagiarist Pinata, said, "We can't find anything he's paid to his victims to make things right.  I don't care how many times a supercomputer adds, subtracts, multiplies or divides by zero, it's still zero!"

But maybe if they keep trying, David Boyer, the Pecuniary Plagiarist, might become self-aware.

MySpace Tracker


  1. Hilarious. You should do stand up comedy. Besides, it IS funny to think I would pay for stories I did NOT steal.

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. Have you visited my blog? You do realize there is evidence, right? These are a few posts you might want to read:

  4. Boyer, would you care to extrapolate on how those stories ended up being sold to various magazines with your name as author on other people's work?