Boyergate Flash! David Boyer Steals from Christians

While delivering a paper explaining that comparing David Boyer, the Vincennes, Indiana plagiarist to a banana slug was not fair to this fine speciman of the genus Ariolimax,  I was making the point that just because both leave behind a slimy, sticky trail it is still not scientifically justifiable to slander the slug.  After all, I pointed out, banana slug mucous has an organic content and is therefore theoreticall compostable whereas David Boyer's plagiaries have only shamed the entire town of Vincennes, Indiana and turned its reputation to metaphorical dung.  The value of the real over the metaphorical should be intuitively obvious to even the least discerning student.

Those students attending my lecture were either mesmerized by my didactic ability, or, as I now suspect, asleep, when I realized one student near the front row was actually alert.  He raised his hand to ask a question.   I leaned forward on the lectern and acknowledged his presence.

"Yes, Mr....."

"Pope," he said.

"What is your question?"

"Is it true that while masquerading as a born again Christian, David Boyer the plagiarist was actually stealing from at least one Christian author?"

I thought about this before answering.  Where did this young man get his information?

"My doctoral dissertation was, as you know, on the topic of David Boyer and the fecal groundwater contamination in the city's water supply that could be the root cause of his plagiary... but no."

"Well, professor, it's all over the internet now that he plagiarized a story from Ellen C. Maze the Christian author."

"The bestsellling author?" I asked.  I was absolutely flabberghasted.

"Yes, and he was posting her story on Storymania under one of his crappy fake names because he can't spell pseudonym."

"Crappy is not a proper name for this type of action, young man.  We are scientists and must strive for precision and methodological purity in our attributions."

"Well, how would you describe it Professor?"  he asked.

After a moment's thought, I pointed my finger at him and said, "It's just bullshit."

The rest of my class woke up.

Sometimes it helps to call things what they are.

Will David Boyer, the Vincennes, Indiana Plagiarist Help Fight Planet Tilt?

An anonymous souce inside the Global Climate Change Conference held last week inside Moscow Elementary School has told this reporter  new scientific evidence was unveiled which explains Catastrophic Climate Change and places the blame squarely on David Boyer, the Vincennes, Indiana Plagiarist.

Professor Fyodor Borovsky later confirmed this to myself and five scruffy streetside vendors in exchange for a signed photo of Elvis.

"It is bolshoi fact Citizen Boyer is totally respnsible," he explained.  "He has piled copies of his plagiarized stories on the edge of town and disguised them as a volcano.  This is too much weight- the accumulated mass of his plagiaries has tilted the axis of the earth."

"Is that possible?" I asked.

"But of course!" he said.  "Have you seen how many people he plagiarized?"

"Hmmm," I said.

It was a cold day in Moscow and I didn't want to be there, but stories like this are worth following to the ends of the earth.

"Yes, now you see, don't you?" he cackled.   

"No, but what can be done?"

He eyed me suspiciously, then leaned over and whispered, "We must work together to fight planet tilt.  Russia and China will do their part.  We can plagiarize millions, maybe billions of stories.  In ten or twenty years, maybe if all the Chinese work every hour of every day, we can plagiarize enough stories on this side of the ocean to tilt the planet back."

"Will it be in time to avert catastrophe?" I asked.

"I don't know," he said.  "What do you want?  I am no Rasputin."

"What can we in America do to help?"

"Good, good- you are excellent world citizen.  Speak to this Boyer.  Plead with him.  Ask him to begin walking his manuscripts east across your fine country to help tilt the planet our way.  It will take him 30 maybe 40,000 trips, but if he starts now, it may not be too late.  Appeal to his conscience to help save the planet."

"Your plan has a flaw," I said.

"It is Russian plan. It is bolshoi good, fuck you very much.  What could be wrong?"

"For starters," I pointed out, "he doesn't have a conscience."

Boyer Makes a Stinky

A Book in the Pants is Worth... Not Much

If It's Written by David Boyer

The Everyready Plagiarist is writing a book. 

It makes perfect sense.  I'm writing a book about him.  He's terrified about the material it will reveal.  So what's a plagiarist like David Boyer to do?  Well, since he doesn't have original ideas, he steals from me.  He decides to write a book about himself, too.  Damn.  But the Vincennes, IN Plagiarist doesn't like the truth, because it makes him look bad.  So in his version, he's a victim of hideous cyber-stalkers. 

How can this be?  In his personal fairy tale, he's an honest man, villified by others, stalked by them on the Internet and even threatened by them.  There's a mob after him, you see.  He believes this religiously.  Sure he was a mass plagiarist, an online predator editor who victimized so many writers I've lost count of the total.  Why would anyone be angry with him?

Then again, David Boyer- known to many as "Can't Hitchhike Dave"- believes in his prevaricating soul that he's not a plagiarist, and if he believes that, he can believe anything.

The April Fool and Two New "Pin the Tail on the Plagiarist" Contests

Come On.
  Guess the Fool.

Yes, it's true.  David Boyer actually worried what the Gort revelation was.  April Fool's, David!
  
He must have have come here a 100 times on April First to see if I'd found the source behind the rumor that he plagiarized Stephen King.  Paranoia is a terrible thing.  No alien policeman in his right mind would ever cross the galaxy to speak with Boyer.  To abduct Britney Spears and Charlie Sheen- absolutely!  But to talk to a plagiarist like David Boyer of Vincennes, Indiana?  Nah.

So what have I been up to?  I've been working on my book about David Boyer the mass plagiarst.  One of the people in his home town confided in me the surprising reason David is known by some as "Can't Hitchhike Dave." Also in my research I've uncovered what a former teacher thinks brought about Dave's self-defeating behavior and why it should embarass the whole town.

More to come as I keep stringing the facts together.  I have what to call the book already, and I'll announce it right after I pay the winner of the "Name the Book About Dave" contest. 
And since the title contest was so successful, I'm following it with two more contests!!.  I'm offering two research contest awards for $250.00 each.  Both are good until December 31st, 2011.  To begin with, I'll pay $250 to the first person to uncover and prove to me the real identity of the notorious plagiarist "Richard Ridyard."   No one has ever cracked his identity, and he (or she) is a real sleaze.  That answer will get you major cudos in the publishing industry, too.

Next, I've heard it rumored that David Boyer,, under one of his many aliases, plagiarized Clive Barker.  So I'll also pay $250 to anyone that can provide the proof of same to my satisfaction since I'd like to include the results in the book about Boyer.

Said proof must be obtained legally and with no cyberstalking and such because I want to make sure they're clean catches.  So each of you are responsible for your own research actions. As independent researchers, you are personally responsible for obeying all state and federal laws.  Please don't be deluging people with letters and emails.  Instead, look for what's posted on line.  The answers are there.  He's an internet person who can't stop trying to work his scams in the electronic world.  Within the last three months he was self-publishing a plagiarized Dean Koontz story and selling it over the internet.  He can't help himself. 

And remember, there are a lot of people looking for this proof.  You've watched all those TV detective shows.  You know how to do it!

Don't write Boyer or harass him.  His own guilt gives him enough headaches.  He's been reduced (don't laugh) to writing screenplays about getting his revenge against people who have exposed him as a plagiarist.  Very manly.

Yes I'm offering real research money.  So web detectives, go to it!  I'm itching to pay out the cash.

And David Boyer, you're welcome to participate!

Alien Police Close in on Boyer

At precisely eight o'clock this morning, David Boyer, the notorious Vincennes, Indiana plagiarist poured himself a cup of fresh coffee, put his tin foil hat on his head and turned the TV on as he sat down to compose a trial list of imaginary ailments to excuse his crimes.  He was in the middle of descibing his baffling allergy to Doritos as a medically documented cause of wanton plagiary, when a TV news flash caught his attention.

The astounding announcement that Gort, the most famous alien policeman of all time, was coming to Vincennes, Indiana to deliver to him an ultimatum so terrified the prevaricating plagiarist that he literally crawled across his kitchen table to get a closer look at the picture.  Fear squeezed Boyer's heart and slowed his pulse to near Yogi levels.

Dean Koontz, he thought.  Somebody must have told him that I ripped off Dean Koontz.  They love Dean Koontz.  Gort will lock me up in an asteroid until I turn into a mummy.

With his still nicotine stained fingers, Boyer turned up the volume.

"So," the announcer was asking the giant alien policeman, "is it true that you're walking to deliver a message to David Boyer on the first of April?"

"Gort, Klatu, Barada, Nikto, Boyer," said Gort.

"Is that all you know how to say?" asked the announcer.

The TV screen flashed bright red like a ruby on fire, and when the eerie radiance faded the announcer had disappeared and the visor that looked like Gort's alien eyebrows pulsed with a palpable anger as though it were ready to shoot out another terrible disintegration ray.

"Gort, Klatu, Barada, Nikto, Boyer," Gort said again.

Somebody must have told him I ripped off Clive Barker, too, thought Boyer.

Boyergate Flash- Teen-Aged Genetic Archaeologists Discover Plagiary Genes!

Plagiary Genes

Uncovered in Vincennes, Indiana

Last week, a group of teen-aged genetic archaelogists were shocked to discover what could be the genes that cause a bad writer posing as a publisher to plagiarize.  Authorities are searching for the owner of the genes.  "Somebody wore them," said an un-identified source in the Vincennes Police Department.  "Sooner or later they'll run out of identities to hide behind."

Marie Cruz, noted expert in posing as people she's not, said, "These kids should get a medal.  If they've located the precursor genetic strands that cause people to steal intellectual property and claim it as their own, we need to name something after them.  Like maybe a prison or something."

Names of the young scientists are not being released until they secure a media agent.

"This is the second major discovery of plagiary roots in the State of Indiana in the last seven or eight months," said Professor Steven Ricecakes.  "First that Caswell thing.  That was bad enough.  I thought we were going to have to change the name of the state it was so embarassing.  Then along comes David Boyer.  Ouch.  Now we really need to change the state name.  You think people in Indiana want the rest of the world to know they live in the same state as Caswell and David Boyer?"

In fact, investigators from the Human Genoming Project are thinking of sending water pollution experts to Vincennes, Indiana, to determine if contaminated water could be the "Patient Zero" of the recent outbreak of Plagiarizing Publishers that have humiliated the whole state.

Director Tanya Sterilize says it's dangerous work looking into stupidity.  "I tell my investigators not to drink the water when they're in off the grid little towns like Vincennes, Indiana or they could end up stealing stuff and selling it under an alias.  Maybe it's not a gene causing this thing but some kind of squirming little parasite in the water.  Think about it- you are what you  drink.  If you've got parasites in your water, you'll get parasites in your stomach and sooner or later in your head."